Lip Gloss and Left 4 Dead

There are two things that, even on the shittiest of shitty days, are guaranteed to make me squeal with unabashed delight; a brand new tube of lip gloss and killing zombies.

I'm not talking about your average lip gloss, I'm talking about the stuff that looks like joy, love, gold, win and awesome trapped in a clear little tube that glitters and glows like the sun in spring.

I'm not talking about run of the mill zombie killing either. I'm talking about the deliciously over the top methods of mass mayhem available in both Left 4 Dead games. It's so nice that when I get tired of the shotgun, I can pick up an assault rifle. When that gets boring, a well tossed pipe bomb lays waste quite effectively. Then I like to step it up to a heavy machine gun. Wheeeee! If you're looking for a more intimate experience, I recommend either the guitar (which emits a giggle-inducing TWANG! upon impact) or the messier, yet ultimately satisfying, chainsaw.

What is it about massacring legions of the undead that so many of us unabashedly enjoy? Is it the chance to be the hero? Is it the thrill of trying to survive? The general carnage?

While I'm sure all of those are part of the popularity of zombie games, movies and books, the real truth is something decidedly uglier: It's a socially acceptable way to blow your fellow humans heads off. Just imagine yourself in an undead world populated with all those people in your life who piss you off: the neighbor who lets his dog crap all over your lawn, the dickhead in the Corvette who cut you off and made you spill hot cappuccino in your lap, the co-worker who takes out his daily frustration on his keyboard, punishing the keys so hard that the clacking makes your head pound like some punk-ass kids car stereo...In a world like that they might even give you a medal.

So bring on the zombie apocalypse, I say. I've had a shitty week.

And remember, kids: There is no overkill. There is only open fire and time to reload