You've seen these women at your local Super Mega Grocery Store: Dressed in comfortable shoes, calculator in one hand, the other pushing a shopping cart overloaded with groceries, while a huge binder overflowing with slips of colored paper all sorted into tabbed sections sits propped open in said cart. These women have a talent that I have struggled over the past few months to learn. That cart filled with groceries? Ya, she'll end up paying about $15 for it. I hear them bragging all the time "Hey Donna! With these 3 coupons and the double days, I'm only paying 13 cents for this jumbo package of cheese!". This inevitably leads me to feel like less of a woman and to mutter "Bitch..." under my breath as I push my half empty cart to the till which will gloatingly add up my non-discounted items and chow down on my bank account.
How do they do it? Is it magic? Is it a cult? Is it a natural born gift? I set myself a goal to replicate the feats of these Grocery Gurus. I figured that in the age of the internet, it would be as simple as falling out of bed after a night of Tequila shooters and Irish Car Bombs.
The first step was to sign up for every single coupon site that Google Search vomited up for me. And trust me, it projectile vomited a lot. Groupon, Coupon.com, Fullcup.com, Couponmom.com, Couponbug.com, Couponcabin.com, Redplum.com...and on and on and on. Sweet Jebus. Undeterred, I dove in. I spent about 2 hours scouring seemingly endless lists of coupons and ended printing about a dozen. Phew!
Next step was collecting and clipping coupons out of my local grocery store flyers. An hour later, I had collected another dozen bits of brightly colored paper from a variety of vendors. One of them was even offering "Double or Triple*" coupon days...Score!!!
Armed with an envelope stuffed with slips of money saving paper, I hit the road. Before my weekly grocery adventure was to start, I had to stop at the gas station; I had a lot of stores to hit, needed to fill up on go-go juice.
In order to start off with a bang, I began at the store that was offering the "Double and Triple*" coupons. You notice that little star? Ya, I didn't. Turns out that you could only use coupons with a value of 25 cents or less on that offer. Ok then. 45 minutes later of roaming up and down the aisles checking my coupons and tossing items in my cart and I'm done there. Total savings: $3.25. Hmmm....
The next three stores didn't deliver any revolutionary savings either. I spent so much time looking for items I had coupons for, I paid full price for items I actually needed. I also spent about twice the amount of time driving around and shopping that I normally do.
To summarize:
Extra gas used: $5
Time spent clipping: 3 hours
Time spent shopping: 3 hours
Stress accumulated: Buckets
Money saved: $12.50
$12.50. Just about enough to cover the bottle of wine I drank after I got home to keep me from collapsing into a puddle of blubbering inadequacy.
So the Great Coupon Experiment of 2010 was a complete bust. Next time, I'll just exchange sex for groceries, I'm bound to save more money. Right? Right??!!??
I've tried the coupon clipping and found that it does not work for me, either. The fact is, you cannot gather enough coupons for the products you actually need or want to make any big difference. However, going to a discount grocery store or buying store brand products can save a good deal of money. You'll pay more than a few dollars, but you do save more than 12 dollars.
I've also found that just buying discount versions of certain products is a great way to save money. Savings cards add up a lot, too - I love my Kroger card!